My 7 Year Old Son Likes to Wear Dresses
The way we see gender just isn't the same as when we grew up, and that's a great thing.
But it can end up feeling confusing when young boys want to wear girls' clothes, and we were brought up in a society in which that wasn't the norm. As parents, we just want to protect our kids, and it is normal to worry that anything that is out of the ordinary could lead to bullying.
Things like gender are far less set in stone than they used to be, and boys who wear girls' clothes are becoming way more widely accepted in society. If your little boy likes to wear girls' clothes but plays with boys' toys, you might have questions about his sexuality and gender. In reality, we just don't fit into those two fixed boxes of gender any more. People are far more multi-faceted, your little boy included. So before you start worrying if your son is going to get bullied for wearing a dress, get to know some of the changes that have been going on in society, and you'll probably feel a lot better.
Why not check out this guide to discipline versus punishment and this advice on taking care of grandparents too?
What To Do If Your Young Boy Wants To Wear Girls Clothes
It's important to remember that most things aren't actually inherently 'male' or 'female'. We just decided at one point that some things were for girls, and others were for boys. Most children don't prescribe to that way of thinking, so when a little boy starts sneaking into his sister's dress-up box and picking the princess dresses, he probably just likes the way it sparkles. Let's face it, girls' clothes can be a lot more fun.
Young children enjoy dressing up and playing the roles of their parents and other adults, and this includes starting to wear dresses and other women's clothes, simply because this is what mommy or their older sister wears. The same goes for boys who want to play with dolls and watch films about princesses; they don't know that this is something that is usually considered to be 'for girls', they just see it as something that they like. Pretend play is a huge part of kids' healthy development, so we need to make sure we're allowing our children to explore all different facets of their identity without adding unnecessary shame.
Between the age of two and 10 especially, kids have a very fluid sense of sexual and gender roles. From the age of seven onwards, you might notice boys naturally dressing in more 'boy' clothing because they're conscious of how their peers see them. Equally, your 10-year-old might still enjoy dressing in pink or girls' clothing, and it is important for parents to recognize that this is completely normal and totally OK.
Today's kids are growing up in a society that is much more welcoming and understanding than the times that their parents grew up in, and all kinds of sexual identity and gender are way more widely accepted. Of course, it is completely natural to worry that our kids will get bullied by friends or laughed at for wearing girl clothes to school because we want to protect them and keep them safe. But it's important to take note of the progress we've made as a society as a whole. A lot of the time your little boy will be accepted in his dress, no questions asked.
The most important thing that mental health experts agree on, is that your child is happy. If he's smiling from ear to ear when he dons his sparkly gown and tiara, then why are you worrying?
Does This Mean My Child Is Transgender?
Although wearing girls' clothes might point to your child feeling like they are transgender, most of the time, this is not the case. Children learn a lot about the world by engaging in fantasy play, and pretending to be a different gender is just one of the many ways they can test out their ideas and understanding. In the same way, they might pretend to be a doctor or even a dog.
In some instances, dressing like the other gender might be a sign that your child is transgender, so it's a good idea to have regular conversations about how they feel to make sure that they are supported.
Some people will feel uncomfortable when they see men in dresses or people not conforming to society's typical roles, and this has a lot to do with fears that they carry around sexual orientation and gender identity. It's important to remember that a boy wearing girl clothing is not a defining factor in understanding either his sexual orientation or gender identity, but also to be able to show our kids that they are loved and accepted no matter how they choose to show up in the world.
Will This Lead To Bullying At School?
Although as a society we are progressing all the time with our ideas of gender, that doesn't take away from the fact that some kids can be downright cruel to people they perceive to be different from them.
As a parent, it's up to you to help your kids to understand why some people might be mean, and what they can do if that happens. More fragile children might decide to play dress-up only at home, but don't be surprised if your son simply doesn't care, and wears his flowery dress to the park with pride.
Discussing the different reactions they might experience means that you can help your child to make an educated and informed decision about how they show up in the world. Especially for young children, it can be really tough to understand why someone might laugh at them in their beautiful outfits when they've seen little girls get praised and complimented in the very same thing.
Raising A Feminine Boy, Our Tips
Raising a boy who's feminine can be unexpected for some parents, but it really isn't an issue. Kids who are true to themselves and feel safe expressing every aspect of their personality are inspirational, and it's our job as parents to nurture that safety without question. These tips for being a great parent to boys who wear girl clothes will help guide you if you aren't sure what the best way to support them is.
Society tends to expect boys and men to be strong, emotionless, and goal-driven to fit into a masculine identity, but more and more we are fighting against these stereotypes because boys and men are multifaceted and forcing them into these unhealthy ideas of what they should be will only make them feel like they have to dull part of their personality to fit in. As parents, it is our job to make sure our kids know that being artistic, nurturing, sensitive and sweet does not mean that they aren't masculine, and dressing like a girl doesn't mean there's anything wrong or weird about them at all.
Let kids choose their own clothes. Whether you're raising a boy, a girl, or someone who identifies somewhere in between, it is important to grant them the right to choose what they put on their own body. Get used to practicing asking for consent from them; if they don't want to wear something because it makes them feel bad or anxious, then they have the right to choose not to wear that certain thing.
Educate siblings. We all know that kids can be cruel when something is different from what they deem to be normal, and bullying can feel even worse when it comes from inside your own home. Get comfortable with talking about gender norms with all of your kids, and teach them the importance of being kind. Creating a safe space for kids will help them to feel safe and cared for, even if school gets tricky at times.
Giving our children the space to choose from a wide variety of interests is extremely important when they are developing. Letting them choose something they like and making it clear that nothing girly is 'wrong' for a boy will help promote a much healthier gender identity as they get older.
Don't overthink it and make it about you. A transgender identity can occur in one in every 500 births, which means it's more common than childhood diabetes. If you start blaming yourself you will show your child that this is a thing to be ashamed of, and this can create lifelong issues.
It's time to get educated. Do you know the differences between sex, gender, and sexuality? Check out some books on how best to support your child. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it can be a relief to hear about the experiences of other parents going through the same things, and how they deal with things like bullying or gender identity.
Rehearse some responses. Undoubtedly whenever you choose to raise your children differently from the norm, other people are going to feel like they can give their opinions. Preparing some responses to comments or statements will allow you not to say anything you regret and always support your son, even when someone makes a statement that catches you off guard.
If you're struggling to get to grips with raising a feminine son, then it might be a good idea to get some support. Organizations like Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) can help you to understand what your kid is going through and how you can make them feel their best and answer any question they might have.
Stop saying 'it's just a phase' or even thinking 'it's just a phase'. Even if your boy wearing girl clothes one day turns around and says he wants to throw away his dresses, that doesn't invalidate the way he's choosing to dress now. We are constantly growing and evolving, and maybe this is something that they'll carry on with, and maybe not. Being open to accepting your kid in whatever capacity they want to be accepted in each and every day means that no matter what changes, he will always know that he has your love and support throughout his life. In the same manner, there is no need to give a name to the practice of a boy wearing girls' clothes, it is simply one part of your wonderful child's personality.
Relax. As parents, we are programmed to worry about our children and what's going in inside their heads. Sometimes wanting to wear girl clothes is something that your kid will grow out of, and you'll have wasted your energy on worrying about something that doesn't ever become a large part of their life. Give your child time to express themself and grow into their identity, and if that involves boys dressing as girls, then let's face it, that's probably not the end of the world.
Create a big support system. Bring in the help of family, friends, therapists, and your pediatrician if you're worried about your child's mental health. Having role models that have been through similar experiences to tell your kid that they're doing OK can make a world of difference if they're going through tough times at school or with friends.
Make sure you're giving your kid examples of people like him. Make active attempts to buy books and watch films that showcase all kinds of different people. If your child sees boys in dresses or trying out more feminine things, it will help him to be more comfortable exploring the aspects of his personality that he might have thought needed to be hidden. It's important to remember that highlighting that boys wearing girls' clothes isn't going to make our children more feminine, it's just going to let them know that they can show up in the world in any way that feels authentic to them without it being wrong.
As a parent, it's our job to love our child, not to change them. Creating freedom for our children to grow up in their truth without shame is one of the kindest things we can do. So make sure your child knows he's able to wear whatever clothing he wants, and you'll support him if he wants to show up to his school dance in a beautiful sparkly dress.
If you found this article helpful, then why not take a look at social media and self-esteem or how to deal with grandparents disrespecting parents?
Source: https://kidadl.com/parents/tips/when-boys-wear-girls-clothes-should-i-be-worried
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